For the past several weeks I’ve overheard Mike and Heather discussing Wheat Thins, the snack cracker. Heather maintains that Wheat Thins have changed in taste and consistency, and after Mike tried a few from a new box recently, he was forced to agree. Mike wanted to complain to Kraft Foods, the manufacturer (under its Nabisco label), while Heather wanted to complain to Costco, where she buys Wheat Thins in humongous boxes. Before she could do that, however, she invoked her usual mantra: “We need more data, ” she said.
I remembered that last Saturday night when Mike and Heather were at a baseball game. My pal and sitter Lynn picked me up and took me to visit our good friend Kiki on the other side of the park, who she is taking care of. As usual, Kiki and I had great fun running around Kiki’s house, getting treats, wrestling on the furniture, getting treats, running up and down the hallways and stairways, and getting treats. Do you sense a pattern here?
Kiki and I were playing upstairs in one of the bedrooms when Lynn called us to come back down. Kiki went right away, but a bright yellow box under a desk caught my eye (don’t believe that crap about dogs being colorblind). I recognized the box from the kitchen counter and pantry at our house: Wheat Thins. Just sitting there, on the floor. So, recalling what Heather told me (as I always do!), I dove right in. Purely in the interest of science, of course.
Inside there were many, many Wheat Thins, a tad stale but still crunchy and tasty enough for me. I chomped hurriedly, as I heard Lynn climbing the stairs for a look-see. I was going to take the box and hide until I realized I couldn’t see anything except the remaining Wheat Thins packed tightly around my nose. My head and ears were totally inside the box, which had its flaps turned inward, so I couldn’t get it off my head with my paws. There was only one thing for me to do: Keep eating.
By the time Lynn was able to yank the box off, just a handful of Wheat Thins remained. Unfortunately, I’m afraid I won’t be able to whole wheatedly endorse or refute Heather’s position until I am able to complete my data. More research is called for.
On the other hand, I want to point out that no python or other constricting snake has been sighted in the park since I started guarding against them. Mission accomplished on that front.